Sunday, September 19, 2010

my emotions are taking over...

I am blogging about this because I feel like I have no one else to talk to about it. I said something to my mom, and she calls me back screaming, and i know posting this will probably just cause more husband doesn't want to hear it, because he doesn't want to get in the middle of us girls..and I just don't know if anyone else cares enough anymore to listen.. and i have to get it off my chest, even if no one reads it. it makes me feel better!
Ive been so down in the dumps the last week or two... I am just feeling so overwhelmed lately and I feel like I have no one.
Landon and I went shopping last week, and while we were in a few stores I couldn't help but notices all the ladies with their kids, and their moms. I couldn't tell you the last time my mom and I actually hung out. We just can't get along anymore. We have always had a rocky relationship. In grade school & high school we couldn't have a conversation without yelling at each other. we just butted heads. then the last 5 years have been great. we talked everyday on the phone, we went shopping, craft fairs, everything.. weekly!!! She has been around Landon maybe 15 times since he has been born. ((15 months)) She has watched him for us twice. It just hurts me because I truly thought she would have a great relationship with him.and me for that matter...and he doesn't even know her. breaks my heart!!!


Adrien said...

Kim, I couldn't read this and not respond. I know I don't know your situation very personally, but can I just say that I'm really, really sorry that you're feeling this way. :( I'm sure this isn't something you just started feeling overnight, and if you're anything like me, it takes a lot to finally come out and say something.

I know this doesn't change things, but now that you're the mommy you have an awesome opportunity to be everything to Landon that you wish you could have had. And in the meantime, rely on friends and other mom figures to keep you encouraged. It stinks, because I know you want YOUR mom to fill that position, but there are so many others who love and care about you, too! I hope things turn around for you!

Kim Luke said...

Thanks Adrien! Your kind words mean a lot!!!!!
Thank you!

Meagan said...

I can kind of relate to what you are going through....and it is very hard and heart breaking to have to deal with something like that. It makes you feel like your child isn't important enough for them to take the time out of their life to get to know their grandchild and as a mother it is so incredibly hard to understand that because our children our the single most important thing to us and they should be to their grandparents also. Keegan has probably seen my mom (who lives in Arizona) more than or the same amount of times as my dad (who lives in Red Bud). What's even more sad is that he knows who grandma is and if he were to see "grandpa" I'm not sure he would know who he is.

Like Adrien said, you just have to keep yourself surrounded by the people who do want to be a part of your life and hope that those other people will want to also some day.

Kim Luke said...

Thanks Meagan. It is very hard to come to terms with it. I don’t see anything changing anytime soon, So now I just have to learn to cope and learn from others mistakes and just grow from it!